I'm single, so I don't think I can muster up the energy to give a single fuck about the fact that today is Valentine's Day. Wait....let me try....................... Nope. 0 fucks given. I know that I'm definitely not the only one who's single. Far from it. This isn't really about the people who are single and are fine with it (like myself). This is about those people who are so desperate to smash ANYONE, simply because it's Valentine's day. Maybe they want to drown their sorrows in alcohol induced hookups, and the sweat of shame that comes with said hookups. I've been there. I'm not judging you. I'm not here to tell you not to go and pick up that generic bar slut, take him or her (or both, you little freak!) to your car/hotel room/house, and engage in self pity sex. If you want to do that, GO AHEAD! JUST BE SAFE ABOUT IT! Enough seriousness. Just remember these fun little poems I wrote this morning, and you won't wake up the next morning having to plan your frenzied dash to the walk in clinic. Yeah, I know that most of these are directed at males...but ladies, take the same advise. You don't want to be locked down with some random dude for 18+ years simply because you didn't want to use protection (or he didn't want to use protection...) So, be safe! WRAP IT UP! That's all I got this time! Please follow my blog if I made you think, or laugh, hump a splintered piece of balsa wood, or ANYTHING....and feel free to comment if you agree, or disagree, or just want to discuss the possibility that unicorns exist! I'm not here to judge you! But I do have an opinion on a LOT of things, and if you can help me understand yours, in a logical and reasonable fashion....you might just change my mind! But probably not. I love you, and I hope you have a glorious day! Tweet me: http://www.twitter.com/nytatt2chick Facebook me: http://www.facebook.com/nytatt2chick Instagram me: http://instagram.com/nytatt2chick YouTube me: http://www.youtube.com/therealnytatt2chick G+ me: https://plus.google.com/+LauraCeruti Email me:
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Every day I wake up and think to myself, "Fuck." That's considering if I slept at all that night. Many nights are sleepless. Just tossing and turning, not being able to shut my brain off. The nights I am able to sleep, I have terrible nightmares and wake up soaked with sweat, barely knowing where I am. Did you know that after about 5 days of no sleep, you start to hallucinate? I didn't. No one warned me about that. That tidbit of information would've been useful so I didn't think I was going TOTALLY insane. People on the outside of my life looking in may think that everything's fine. I have a roof over my head, a good job that I love, family who I love, 2 beautiful boys who I love...what could possibly be wrong? Also, I seem like I'm in a pretty positive mood most of the time, so nothing could be wrong, right? WRONG!!! I don't know why I think the way that I do. To be honest, it scares the shit out of me...and I'm not easily scared. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I do have. I am definitely not some ungrateful, spoiled little shit. I do have family, friends, food, shelter, and a career. Which is a lot more than most people have. So why am I so fucked up? Why am I having these terrible thoughts? I DON'T KNOW!!! And that's what scares me the most. Could it be all the twisted crap that I did in my past? Maybe. Could it be due to the fact that I have pretty much blocked out 12 years of my life? (Which multiple psychiatrists have determined is because of a trauma that was so severe that I simply can't handle it, so I repressed those years.) Possibly. Could it be that no matter how hard I try to be healthy, and stay sober (for the most part), I continue to have severe health issues that are totally incurable, and the treatment for them (so far) has been a total waste of time? Could be. Could it be that every month I lose another one of my friends to overdoses, suicide, accidents, etc.? Might be. Honestly, it's probably a combination of all that crap. It can't just be one thing. I know I'm not a weak person. I've been through shit you probably can't even imagine...not even in your worst nightmares. Honestly, I wouldn't want you to be able to imagine the shit I've dealt with. I wouldn't wish any of that on my worst enemy. I don't even really know where this is going. I just needed to write this, just to get some crap off my chest (metaphorically speaking). I know I have issues. Trust issues, issues with anxiety...I have a lot of issues. Most of them I deal with, some I can't handle. The only things keeping me on this earth are my kids. This is not a "cry for help". I don't need or want anyone's sympathy. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me. Just take this thought with you: Simply because a person may seem like nothing is bothering them, like nothing's wrong. That they're happy in life...that may not be the case at all. This is going to sound really cliché, but don't judge a book by it's cover. The cover may be all sunshine and rainbows, but once you actually start reading that book, it may be one of the most terrifying experiences of your life. That's it for now. Usually I have a little funnyish thing to put here, but I'm not in the mood. If you are having any similar thoughts, get help. Seriously. Don't mess around. Tweet me: http://www.twitter.com/nytatt2chick Facebook me: http://www.facebook.com/nytatt2chick Instagram me: http://instagram.com/nytatt2chick YouTube me: http://www.youtube.com/therealnytatt2chick G+ me: https://plus.google.com/+LauraCeruti Email me: |
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